My Gen Y Life

Knowing where to cross the line on helping out others can make or break your career. My approach to taking care of my husband when he’s hurt or ill taught me a great lesson about what I should or shouldn’t do at work if I want to be successful.

When I came home from work one day I found my DH sitting on the couch with his hand lying limp above his head and a miserable look on his face. He was supposed to be at class already so I asked him what was wrong. The poor guy had a ‘man cut’ (if you haven’t seen it, view the “man cold” on YouTube). He had accidentally cut his thumb with a razor knife when opening a package and it was making him feel lightheaded so he was holding his hand above his head to stop the throbbing - for three hours. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t get much sympathy from me. My approach is self-service: you do what you need to do to get better and move on. I never got doted on by my parents unless I had a life-threatening injury. With four of us girls in the house my parents had no room for a bunch of whiners – we were taught to “toughen up” and chastened that we “should have known better.” It was a rare incident to be catered on and oftentimes made us miss out on doing what the others were doing, so we learned quickly that there was no benefit to being sick or injured very long.

Some guys may have been brought up with similar nurturing styles from their parents, but it’s common belief that men have less tolerance for pain. Therefore, a minor cut for my husband is suddenly much more severe than if I were to have a cut. At one point his self-pity reached an all-time high when he said that he didn’t feel it was “safe for him to drive,” which is why he had to miss his night classes. On the business side, women generally tend to put up with more “pain” than men and are more willing to help people out. I learned from my experience with my husband how important it is not to let others take advantage of you and to set a precedent from the beginning. If I had given in and done everything for my husband when he was perfectly capable, he would likely expect the same thing to happen the next time around. If you’ve ever had to train a new person to do your former job, you know how easy it is to just “do it for them” rather than teach them how and why you did it. For some coworkers the old adage applies where if you give an inch they take a mile – if you step outside your responsibilities to do their work once they will expect it again. Before you know it, you will be extremely frustrated and they will be getting the credit for all of your work.

So next time someone at work asks you to do something for them, make sure you think twice about how you will respond. If you decide to help them out, make sure they know it is a favor and that you normally wouldn’t be responsible for that. Although you may feel “bad” at first, it will be for your benefit in the end.

There is a short span of time where you are no longer a teenager and not yet have all the responsibilities of adulthood, marriage, and mortgages. This can be the best time of your life or it can be a waste. Before you plunge into “full” adulthood take my advice as someone who has passed through this era.

You will make more critical decisions in these years than at any other time in your life. Take a second to let that sink in. Think about it – you decide where to get your degree, what career to pursue, where you will go after college (and possibly meet your future spouse), and what friends you will let influence your life. My life would be so different right now if I had tweaked any of these decisions.

Make the most of your college years. Not just the partying part, but take advantage of the opportunities you have as a college student to travel abroad, compete in a sport or club, take part in a variety of eye-opening experiences, and enjoy every day you have. It won’t be long before every day starts to look the same and the years just fly by.

Open up as many choices for yourself as you can. While this could be a detriment by having too many good choices to choose from, it’s better than not having any. Don’t pigeon-hole yourself into one area or one route because if you change your mind, it may be too late. Although I had to turn down a couple great opportunities, I was able to choose the one that felt right and didn’t feel like I was pushed into it.

Lastly, try not to worry about the “what-if’s” too much. There is a sense of destiny that things will happen and opportunities will present themselves as they were meant to be. But who wants to stand around waiting?  You’re more likely to find what you’re looking for if you try than if you just wait for it to come to you.

Some people take the subway, some ride the bus, selfish people drive alone, and I ride the vanpool. It’s like a cross between a carpool and a bus. You get the benefits of being able to call when you’re late (or if they’re late) but you don’t have to deal with the drama of a one-on-one carpool, or so I thought…

Everything was going fine until DQ (drama queen) showed up a few months ago. You know those kind of people too – they look for drama and thrive on drama every day. They complain about petty things and make comments to try and get reactions from people, and get nosy about other people’s business. These people are not allowed in my friend circle (unless you’re my sister and I don’t have a choice) because they cause more harm than harmony. Don’t get me wrong, I can get along with them, but it’s not my choice of company. Unfortunately even as a professional you may still have to deal with a DQ every now and then.

Here’s what I’ve learned about how to deal with the DQ’s in your life:

Don’t join the pity party – Misery loves company, and so do DQ’s. If you have a friend who is complaining and whining about something don’t be afraid to stand up to them if you disagree, and by all means don’t encourage it. Beware because DQ’s can be very persuasive and believable.

Take the high road – DQ’s have probably been this way since high school or earlier, and somehow not outgrown the fetish with drama in their lives. Act like the professional you are and don’t make a big deal about things that aren’t really a big deal, even if DQ thinks they are.

Nice guys finish last – If you’re lucky the DQ will become bored with the drama-free life you live and move on, but if not be a nice person and follow the above steps and you’ll be rewarded in the end. You might also call this “flying below the radar” so you’re not noticed too much by DQ, and therefore their attention will be given to other people.

Update: DQ left the vanpool because she didn’t get to sit in the front as much as she wanted – lame!

I knew the honeymoon period was over in my marriage when my DH told me to “stop whining” when I stuck out my pouty lip about something instead of him saying that I was “cute”. After the honeymoon period there is a tendency to criticize more and forgive less.

My coworkers that have been at the company for a long time (7+ years) tend to criticize the most. They see the “writing on the wall” and read the “tea leaves”. When they immediately deject an idea because of what they think they foresee, they breed negativity and give up. “We’d never get funding for that – don’t plan on it” or “They never recognize our accomplishments – we’re never gonna be rewarded.” I just want to ask them, have you ever thought about doing something different? Maybe you’re not communicating well enough to the boss – maybe there’s something you can do about it!

Am I just naïve for having optimism about making change? I think not. If there ever needed to be change it’s now when we are in a recession market and need to be more creative with how we spend our money and how we prove our value to the company.

Maybe I’m focusing on the small issues? Some issues that I care deeply about at work may be in the very back corner of the CEO’s mind, behind a door in a box. In order for them to surface I need to be able to connect them to a “big picture” objective, and I need my boss or an executive sponsor to support me and not just put my idea aside. Small issues can become big issues if they are not addressed early on.

Am I in the wrong department? It’s no secret that some departments (usually the sales force or other central business) get more attention than the departments that “keep the lights on”.  Consequently, they tend to be more influential. This group is a key supporter for making a change at work.

Is the honeymoon period over? Perhaps I was coddled as a new employee and everyone smiled and nodded when I would suggest something, and in the backroom say how “ambitious” and “good spirited” I was. Now that I’ve been here a couple years and have gone through the “test of time” they are more honest with me and we can all wallow in our trials together.

Is anyone else feeling this way at work? Please comment.

In college I had so much going on that I didn’t have time to be lazy. Now I’m married with a corporate job and when I get home I’m tired and don’t want to do chores or cook dinner and tend to procrastinate on the things I really should be spending time on. That’s all going to change though – here are the top 5 things I’m going to do in 2008 to be more productive and less lazy:

#1 Go to the gym – This is probably on the top of most people’s lists. My goal though isn’t losing weight, it’s to tone up and be healthier so I can have the energy to do more things when I get home. Isn’t it so ironic that even when you’re “too tired” to go to the gym it usually gives you more energy than if you didn’t? My goal is to go 2-3 times per week.

#2 Cook more meals – As a young newlywed couple it’s hard for us to get motivated to cook a meal for two when we’re both tired from work and just want to relax.  Then what happens is we get take-out or order pizza, which is anything but healthy. My goal is to find a good cookbook that has easy, quick recipes and cook a homemade meal at least 3 times a week.

#3 Have more sex – I don’t think I’m alone when I say that my excuse for not having sex is usually because I need to get some sleep so I can get up in the morning (I’m not a morning person). A lame excuse I know! On a good week, we might have sex once or twice, and we don’t even have kids! Seriously though how long does it take – probably only 20 minutes max (I’m being generous)? Having good, loving sex is probably one of the best things we can do for our relationship, too. If our (his) needs aren’t met physically how can I expect our (my) needs to be met emotionally?

#4 Be on time – As I mentioned earlier, I am not a morning person and when I don’t give myself enough time in the mornings something suffers – being late to the vanpool (and making them wait), half-done hair and makeup, or no sack lunch. While I’m usually on time for meetings at work (thanks Outlook alerts) I find myself often getting to doctor’s appointments, church, and everything else last-minute too! If I could be on time at least 75% of the time I would be a happier person.

#5 Take the GMAT test – I’m a big proponent of giving myself as many options as possible. My job doesn’t require an MBA, and it’s possible that it might not make good financial sense, but I have to take the GMAT while it’s all still somewhat fresh in my head (about 2 ½ years ago). I also found out that my scores are good for up to five years if I want to wait to go to school. My decision on where and when to go will likely depend on how well I do on the test.  

If this works I think I will have quite a productive year. Wish me luck!

So you scrounged up a suit for the interview, but now you have to wear business attire five days a week! Suddenly you seem to have nothing to wear (okay, so you have clothes, but they’re mostly from college with Hollister branded all over them). The business suits I did have were juniors-department-store-polyester-rayon ones, not made to last more than wearing them once or twice a semester.

You don’t have to sacrifice your style to wear business attire, but you also don’t have to spend a fortune. Here are some tips to building up your first corporate wardrobe:

Refresh your sewing skills. No, not to make your own clothes (unless you’re really brave) but to repair them. Do an inventory of your closet and see if you can find any work-type clothes that are of decent quality but maybe just need a button replaced or a hem re-sewn. You can also use a sewing machine to alter your clothes for the perfect professional fit.

Find wardrobe staples. These are the basics of your wardrobe that you can mix and match to create different looks. Depending on whether your work is business professional attire or business casual, you should invest in at least one nice black suit, a few pairs of trousers or slacks, a few blazers, a couple pairs of khaki pants, and some button-up shirts and cardigans or sweaters. I always make sure I have long-sleeve shirts or sweaters to wear even in the middle of summer so I don’t freeze in my cube!

Don’t break the bank. Go shopping during big sales and download coupons from online or get added to their mailing list. You don’t have to go to 5^th Avenue to shop, but try for the nicer department stores. Another thing I have done is to allocate myself enough money to buy one or two nice pieces of clothing each month. After a year or so you’ll start to have a really nice wardrobe coming together.

Don’t skimp on the shoes. Some nice black pumps or boots are essential for work. Find a pair that you can wear for a while, made of real leather and no more than 2.5 to 3″ high. If you are dying to get some new wedges or that cute new sandal, don’t spend a lot of money on them because you know you aren’t going to wear them longer than a year.

Buy trendy accessories. As I mentioned above, if you want to be trendy go for the cheaper items that you can use and not feel bad about throwing away after a year. Spend the bigger bucks on basic things that will last. No one will know you picked up that necklace at Forever 21 if you are dressing it up with a nice suit or pants. Be careful though – you don’t want to cheapen your look with items that are too teenager-trendy and make you look like you’re still in high school.

Take care of your nice clothes. Maybe I was lazy in college but I rarely ever brought anything to the dry cleaners. Sure, your clothes can be washed and dried with everything else, but they will wear down faster and compromise the quality of your new duds. Do yourself a favor and follow the directions on the tag so that you can wear them longer and keep them looking new.

To sum it up, put your money in the quality not the quantity. It’s so embarrassing when you get to work at realize that your lapel is unraveling or when you notice that you’re the only one with huge 4″ chunky heels! Being a professional means looking the part, and building up a nice corporate wardrobe will give you more credibility and self-confidence.

In a Harvard study, 90 percent of men and 82 percent of women said their motivation comes from the adrenaline rush of high-pressure situations, compared to only 43 percent and 28 percent, respectively, saying motivation comes from high financial compensation.

It’s like an adrenaline rush to be on the go and busy and have the day fly by. I love days where I have lots to do, places to go, and people to see.  I thrive on the more thrilling days – that can happen even in the corporate world. Like when there is a high priority project that only certain people are asked to be a part of – and it takes precedence over everything else you’re doing that day. Sure you had other things planned, but this is more fun! Or when you are going five different directions all day and realize how versatile and multi-talented you are. Any time you get a big win on a project or in a meeting. It feels like you’re on top of the world!

If I’ve gone too long without an adrenaline rush at work, or anything that resembles one, I tend to get bored of the job. Even just once a week keeps me going and makes me feel satisfaction in what I’m doing. The adrenaline rush can be the confidence booster that gives me that extra edge.

In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, self-actualization is striving to be the best you are and making the most of your abilities. Having an adrenaline rush gives you the motivation and confidence to make it to that point where you are doing your best – and enjoying it. If your job isn’t meeting your needs – psychological needs – then you should re-evaluate your job and start looking around. It’s more important in the long run to find a job where you can make the most of your abilities than to make more money.

It’s that time of year again where I must send my accomplishments of the year to the Big B in hopes of a raise and bonus. This brought me to remember my first salary negotiation all of two years ago. I can’t stress enough how important it is that you negotiate for a higher first corporate salary. Sure you are grateful that they are actually going to hire you, but you also have to think about your future salary and annual raises.

In a Forbes.com article, Chris Fusco, vice president of compensation at Salary.com, says negotiating often results in “about 10 percent improvement on the initial offer.”

If you start at $35,000 annual salary, then with annual raises of about 3% you will still be making under $40,000 in 5 years. If you start at $40,000 with the same raises you’ll be over $45,000. That’s almost $10,000 difference between where you would have started to where you could be in five years.

Do your research first. Go to salary.com or industry journals to find out the average salary for that job. Also do research on the company and take into consideration the benefits that the company might consider compensation as part of the offer. Some employers offer up to 30% of the salary in benefits and most salary calculators don’t take this into consideration.

Ask for a day to think about it. If your employer won’t let you take at least a day to think about the offer, then they are not worth your time. This gives you time to sleep on it and refer back to your research. After all this is a big decision for you and even if you’re really excited, you still need to sleep on it.

I had an experience once where I was offered a part-time job and I asked the manager if I could get back to her within 24 hours so I could think about it and make sure I wouldn’t have any conflicts with the hours, but she said that I had to tell her right then and there. Well I said I couldn’t accept it and the hiring manager was upset that I had “wasted” her time. Then lo and behold two weeks later she couldn’t find anyone else with my qualifications and asked me if I was still available, but unfortunately for her I had already taken a job with someone else. I hope she learned a valuable lesson.

Give yourself a confidence boost. Before you go in to negotiate do whatever you need to do to get that extra boost. Penelope Trunk tells about what boosters work for her, such as dressing up for work. It might be a special caffeine drink, wearing your “power” tie, or getting up early to eat breakfast (early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise!). The extra boost will go a long way.

Remember the least they can do is say no. My mom always said that. When you go in to negotiate remember that they have given you an offer and they want you to work for them. Fusco recommends saying something like “Based on my understanding of the job, the company’s needs, and the skills and experience I bring, I feel I’m worth $5,000 more than what you’re offering me.” Usually they will meet you somewhere in the middle. At the very least, they would say no and you will still have the original offer. You might be able to negotiate other things than just the salary, such as vacation days, flexible schedules, or a hiring bonus.

It may be nerve-wracking, but you will be proud of yourself that you negotiated well and were professional about it. Your manager will be impressed (and usually expect) that you will negotiate. Your wallet will thank you, too.

I’m generally a happy person, but there are times when I’m not smiling at work. I may be concentrating on a report, thinking of ideas, just had a frustrating conversation, concerned about someone, or so on. I don’t think anyone could smile throughout the day and really mean it.

There are also some people who are paid to be nice, like receptionists for example, so they can be approachable for guests, etc. That’s part of their job. There are some people out there though who are “too” nice, and have ulterior motives for doing so. These people put on a fake smile and ask everyone how their day is going, and force conversations with people just to say they “know” them.  

Instead of this superficial nicety, just be genuinely nice to people you respect. You could lose respect quickly by being overly friendly. Most people can see right through it and it can discredit your persona for the long-term. Here are three reasons not to be nice to everyone:

1. You’ll be the “nice” guy. This is never a compliment you want. The person saying this obviously couldn’t think of anything more valuable about you then being “nice” because you over-exaggerate the very meaning of the word.
2. Co-workers won’t take you serious. Being too nice to people will automatically mark you as a pushover. Unless your co-workers only want to hear “nice” things from you, they will likely not consider you a credible person to offer critique.
3. You’ll be passed over for promotions. Good managers know when to be tough and stand up for their employees. If you’re too nice, how can your manager trust you to stand up to people if it could ruin your “nice” image?

Most companies don’t use the word “secretary” anymore - companies have become more creative with terms like “administrative assistant”, ”client service representative”, and my favorite, “project coordinator”. I don’t care what they call it, it means you’re going to be answering calls, setting up meetings, doing paperwork, filing, and copying. If that’s you’re calling in life - great, we can’t live without you. If the sound of doing that the rest of your professional life makes you cring, read on.

You know in college when they chanted the alumni phrase: “Once a [insert mascot here], always a [insert mascot here].” Now insert “secretary” into that blank. I received sound advice from a former employee who told me not to take a secretary job for the company just to get in. Big mistake, she said, because from that time forward everyone thought of her as the go-to person for completing the daily administrative duties regardless of what her job description said. She was even turned down for other jobs because of her perceived limited abilities.

Thankfully to her, I passed over the secretary jobs and waited for the right opportunity to come up. It took me interviewing for 4 positions before I was offered a job as a web specialist. It wasn’t my ideal job (who’s first job is?), but it was something related to my skills that would teach me a lot and open up more opportunities.

Unfortunately, I still had to fight the label as the secretary of the group. I don’t know if it was because I was young, blonde, or sat in a cube outside a conference room, but people would ask me where the manager was, ask me to setup meetings, and assumed that I knew how to fix the copy machine. After feeling a little peeved at first, I would tactfully respond with the name of the actual secretary for the manager and send them on their way.

Luckily, over time, people took the hint, I focused on my real job, and did work above and beyond. Proving that I could handle project management, write well, and think outside the box were key in distinguishing me from any previous perceptions people had about me. My manager was also my champion, and would include me on projects that would give me greater exposure in the company. Now I feel that I have created a good persona for myself and it shows with the promotions and projects that I’ve been given.

Your first year or two in the company in crucial for developing your persona, and if you do it well you will be rewarded. Do yourself a favor and don’t make secretarial duties the main focus of your job - let the real secretary do what he/she does best.