My Gen Y Life

Knowing where to cross the line on helping out others can make or break your career. My approach to taking care of my husband when he’s hurt or ill taught me a great lesson about what I should or shouldn’t do at work if I want to be successful.

When I came home from work one day I found my DH sitting on the couch with his hand lying limp above his head and a miserable look on his face. He was supposed to be at class already so I asked him what was wrong. The poor guy had a ‘man cut’ (if you haven’t seen it, view the “man cold” on YouTube). He had accidentally cut his thumb with a razor knife when opening a package and it was making him feel lightheaded so he was holding his hand above his head to stop the throbbing - for three hours. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t get much sympathy from me. My approach is self-service: you do what you need to do to get better and move on. I never got doted on by my parents unless I had a life-threatening injury. With four of us girls in the house my parents had no room for a bunch of whiners – we were taught to “toughen up” and chastened that we “should have known better.” It was a rare incident to be catered on and oftentimes made us miss out on doing what the others were doing, so we learned quickly that there was no benefit to being sick or injured very long.

Some guys may have been brought up with similar nurturing styles from their parents, but it’s common belief that men have less tolerance for pain. Therefore, a minor cut for my husband is suddenly much more severe than if I were to have a cut. At one point his self-pity reached an all-time high when he said that he didn’t feel it was "safe for him to drive," which is why he had to miss his night classes. On the business side, women generally tend to put up with more “pain” than men and are more willing to help people out. I learned from my experience with my husband how important it is not to let others take advantage of you and to set a precedent from the beginning. If I had given in and done everything for my husband when he was perfectly capable, he would likely expect the same thing to happen the next time around. If you’ve ever had to train a new person to do your former job, you know how easy it is to just “do it for them” rather than teach them how and why you did it. For some coworkers the old adage applies where if you give an inch they take a mile – if you step outside your responsibilities to do their work once they will expect it again. Before you know it, you will be extremely frustrated and they will be getting the credit for all of your work.

So next time someone at work asks you to do something for them, make sure you think twice about how you will respond. If you decide to help them out, make sure they know it is a favor and that you normally wouldn’t be responsible for that. Although you may feel “bad” at first, it will be for your benefit in the end.