Monday, June 09, 2008

How to tell your boss that you're pregnant


There are a few rare times when you are obligated to get personal with your boss. Announcing that you are pregnant is one of them, and it can be a daunting task when faced with possible discrimination.

Suddenly assumptions are made about you: your physical appearance will change, your mental and emotional state may be affected, and you will be taking a maternity leave - meaning that your team is down a person for an extended period of time and there's nothing your manager can legally do about it. It might not be the happiest of news for your manager to hear, but here are some ways to mitigate their concerns from early on.

Never ever tell your boss that you are trying to conceive. If you have any common sense you won't tell your boss (or coworkers for that matter) that you are trying to get pregnant. You can work around it if it comes up in casual conversation by saying "someday we want kids" or changing the subject by talking about the things you want to do before you start a family. On a rare occasion your manager may be cool about it, but you never know, and you don't want to have speculation going around (and getting passed up on new opportunities at work), so play it safe and keep this kind of personal info to yourself. Who knows, it could take months or years to get pregnant and you don't want your coworkers to try and plan around it.

Wait as long as you possibly can to tell your boss. After you find out you're pregnant, keep this "secret" to yourself. Err on the side of caution because it's possible that you may result in a miscarriage (doctors estimate that up to 30% of pregnancies do). Even if everything appears healthy with the pregnancy there's no reason to have this news floating around for eight months or so and giving your manager more leeway to second-guess your worth on the team or what projects to assign to you. If you have morning sickness, try to control it and make up excuses if needed ("there must be a bug floating around" or "I'm on a new diet") until it's absolutely necessary to tell. For most women this is when you start really showing (as far along as 4-5 months if it's your first). Until then reserve your excitement and discussion about having a baby with your close friends and family, as hard as it may be!

The announcement: Think before you speak. So you've held it in for several weeks or months and now you're ready to tell your boss. Time it around a successful completion of a project or milestone. Give your boss every impression that you will be as willing and capable as ever to work at the same level, and have an idea for how much maternity leave you plan to take. This will show your manager that you are responsible and will put them more at ease with your leave time. And by all means don't exacerbate the whole situation after you've made the announcement by bringing up your growing belly at every conversation with coworkers. This could lead to casual sexism in the workplace, especially from men. You will get enough attention as it is, and you want to show that you can gracefully juggle your professional career with your not-so-personal-anymore life situation. 

With any luck your manager will be more excited about your announcement than worried, and he/she will feel confident that you will be as productive and valuable an employee as ever. And, of course, try not to stress yourself out too much about it all because in the end it's a natural process that many working women successfully make it through (and extra stress isn't good for the baby anyway).

If you're at all like me and feel you've made the most of your early twenties, your late twenties can be an exciting time for starting a family. After all the average age in the U.S. for having your first child is 25, and you're not getting any younger!
Posted by Melanie Lopez at 22:05:09 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Friday, January 04, 2008

My New Year’s resolution – don’t be so lazy!

In college I had so much going on that I didn’t have time to be lazy. Now I’m married with a corporate job and when I get home I’m tired and don’t want to do chores or cook dinner and tend to procrastinate on the things I really should be spending time on. That’s all going to change though – here are the top 5 things I’m going to do in 2008 to be more productive and less lazy:

#1 Go to the gym – This is probably on the top of most people’s lists. My goal though isn’t losing weight, it’s to tone up and be healthier so I can have the energy to do more things when I get home. Isn’t it so ironic that even when you’re “too tired” to go to the gym it usually gives you more energy than if you didn’t? My goal is to go 2-3 times per week.

#2 Cook more meals – As a young newlywed couple it’s hard for us to get motivated to cook a meal for two when we’re both tired from work and just want to relax.  Then what happens is we get take-out or order pizza, which is anything but healthy. My goal is to find a good cookbook that has easy, quick recipes and cook a homemade meal at least 3 times a week.

#3 Have more sex – I don’t think I’m alone when I say that my excuse for not having sex is usually because I need to get some sleep so I can get up in the morning (I’m not a morning person). A lame excuse I know! On a good week, we might have sex once or twice, and we don’t even have kids! Seriously though how long does it take – probably only 20 minutes max (I’m being generous)? Having good, loving sex is probably one of the best things we can do for our relationship, too. If our (his) needs aren’t met physically how can I expect our (my) needs to be met emotionally?

#4 Be on time – As I mentioned earlier, I am not a morning person and when I don’t give myself enough time in the mornings something suffers – being late to the vanpool (and making them wait), half-done hair and makeup, or no sack lunch. While I’m usually on time for meetings at work (thanks Outlook alerts) I find myself often getting to doctor’s appointments, church, and everything else last-minute too! If I could be on time at least 75% of the time I would be a happier person.

#5 Take the GMAT test – I’m a big proponent of giving myself as many options as possible. My job doesn’t require an MBA, and it’s possible that it might not make good financial sense, but I have to take the GMAT while it’s all still somewhat fresh in my head (about 2 ½ years ago). I also found out that my scores are good for up to five years if I want to wait to go to school. My decision on where and when to go will likely depend on how well I do on the test.  

If this works I think I will have quite a productive year. Wish me luck!

Posted by Melanie Lopez at 21:40:10 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |