My Gen Y Life

Knowing where to cross the line on helping out others can make or break your career. My approach to taking care of my husband when he’s hurt or ill taught me a great lesson about what I should or shouldn’t do at work if I want to be successful.

When I came home from work one day I found my DH sitting on the couch with his hand lying limp above his head and a miserable look on his face. He was supposed to be at class already so I asked him what was wrong. The poor guy had a ‘man cut’ (if you haven’t seen it, view the “man cold” on YouTube). He had accidentally cut his thumb with a razor knife when opening a package and it was making him feel lightheaded so he was holding his hand above his head to stop the throbbing - for three hours. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t get much sympathy from me. My approach is self-service: you do what you need to do to get better and move on. I never got doted on by my parents unless I had a life-threatening injury. With four of us girls in the house my parents had no room for a bunch of whiners – we were taught to “toughen up” and chastened that we “should have known better.” It was a rare incident to be catered on and oftentimes made us miss out on doing what the others were doing, so we learned quickly that there was no benefit to being sick or injured very long.

Some guys may have been brought up with similar nurturing styles from their parents, but it’s common belief that men have less tolerance for pain. Therefore, a minor cut for my husband is suddenly much more severe than if I were to have a cut. At one point his self-pity reached an all-time high when he said that he didn’t feel it was "safe for him to drive," which is why he had to miss his night classes. On the business side, women generally tend to put up with more “pain” than men and are more willing to help people out. I learned from my experience with my husband how important it is not to let others take advantage of you and to set a precedent from the beginning. If I had given in and done everything for my husband when he was perfectly capable, he would likely expect the same thing to happen the next time around. If you’ve ever had to train a new person to do your former job, you know how easy it is to just “do it for them” rather than teach them how and why you did it. For some coworkers the old adage applies where if you give an inch they take a mile – if you step outside your responsibilities to do their work once they will expect it again. Before you know it, you will be extremely frustrated and they will be getting the credit for all of your work.

So next time someone at work asks you to do something for them, make sure you think twice about how you will respond. If you decide to help them out, make sure they know it is a favor and that you normally wouldn’t be responsible for that. Although you may feel “bad” at first, it will be for your benefit in the end.

There is a short span of time where you are no longer a teenager and not yet have all the responsibilities of adulthood, marriage, and mortgages. This can be the best time of your life or it can be a waste. Before you plunge into “full” adulthood take my advice as someone who has passed through this era.

You will make more critical decisions in these years than at any other time in your life. Take a second to let that sink in. Think about it – you decide where to get your degree, what career to pursue, where you will go after college (and possibly meet your future spouse), and what friends you will let influence your life. My life would be so different right now if I had tweaked any of these decisions.

Make the most of your college years. Not just the partying part, but take advantage of the opportunities you have as a college student to travel abroad, compete in a sport or club, take part in a variety of eye-opening experiences, and enjoy every day you have. It won’t be long before every day starts to look the same and the years just fly by.

Open up as many choices for yourself as you can. While this could be a detriment by having too many good choices to choose from, it’s better than not having any. Don’t pigeon-hole yourself into one area or one route because if you change your mind, it may be too late. Although I had to turn down a couple great opportunities, I was able to choose the one that felt right and didn’t feel like I was pushed into it.

Lastly, try not to worry about the “what-if’s” too much. There is a sense of destiny that things will happen and opportunities will present themselves as they were meant to be. But who wants to stand around waiting?  You’re more likely to find what you’re looking for if you try than if you just wait for it to come to you.

Some people take the subway, some ride the bus, selfish people drive alone, and I ride the vanpool. It’s like a cross between a carpool and a bus. You get the benefits of being able to call when you’re late (or if they’re late) but you don’t have to deal with the drama of a one-on-one carpool, or so I thought…

Everything was going fine until DQ (drama queen) showed up a few months ago. You know those kind of people too – they look for drama and thrive on drama every day. They complain about petty things and make comments to try and get reactions from people, and get nosy about other people’s business. These people are not allowed in my friend circle (unless you’re my sister and I don’t have a choice) because they cause more harm than harmony. Don’t get me wrong, I can get along with them, but it’s not my choice of company. Unfortunately even as a professional you may still have to deal with a DQ every now and then.

Here’s what I’ve learned about how to deal with the DQ’s in your life:

Don’t join the pity party – Misery loves company, and so do DQ’s. If you have a friend who is complaining and whining about something don’t be afraid to stand up to them if you disagree, and by all means don't encourage it. Beware because DQ’s can be very persuasive and believable.

Take the high road – DQ’s have probably been this way since high school or earlier, and somehow not outgrown the fetish with drama in their lives. Act like the professional you are and don’t make a big deal about things that aren’t really a big deal, even if DQ thinks they are.

Nice guys finish last – If you’re lucky the DQ will become bored with the drama-free life you live and move on, but if not be a nice person and follow the above steps and you’ll be rewarded in the end. You might also call this “flying below the radar” so you’re not noticed too much by DQ, and therefore their attention will be given to other people.

Update: DQ left the vanpool because she didn’t get to sit in the front as much as she wanted – lame!

I knew the honeymoon period was over in my marriage when my DH told me to “stop whining” when I stuck out my pouty lip about something instead of him saying that I was “cute”. After the honeymoon period there is a tendency to criticize more and forgive less.

My coworkers that have been at the company for a long time (7+ years) tend to criticize the most. They see the “writing on the wall” and read the “tea leaves”. When they immediately deject an idea because of what they think they foresee, they breed negativity and give up. “We’d never get funding for that – don’t plan on it” or “They never recognize our accomplishments – we’re never gonna be rewarded.” I just want to ask them, have you ever thought about doing something different? Maybe you’re not communicating well enough to the boss – maybe there’s something you can do about it!

Am I just naïve for having optimism about making change? I think not. If there ever needed to be change it’s now when we are in a recession market and need to be more creative with how we spend our money and how we prove our value to the company.

Maybe I’m focusing on the small issues? Some issues that I care deeply about at work may be in the very back corner of the CEO’s mind, behind a door in a box. In order for them to surface I need to be able to connect them to a “big picture” objective, and I need my boss or an executive sponsor to support me and not just put my idea aside. Small issues can become big issues if they are not addressed early on.

Am I in the wrong department? It’s no secret that some departments (usually the sales force or other central business) get more attention than the departments that “keep the lights on”.  Consequently, they tend to be more influential. This group is a key supporter for making a change at work.

Is the honeymoon period over? Perhaps I was coddled as a new employee and everyone smiled and nodded when I would suggest something, and in the backroom say how “ambitious” and “good spirited" I was. Now that I’ve been here a couple years and have gone through the “test of time” they are more honest with me and we can all wallow in our trials together.

Is anyone else feeling this way at work? Please comment.

In college I had so much going on that I didn’t have time to be lazy. Now I’m married with a corporate job and when I get home I’m tired and don’t want to do chores or cook dinner and tend to procrastinate on the things I really should be spending time on. That’s all going to change though – here are the top 5 things I’m going to do in 2008 to be more productive and less lazy:

#1 Go to the gym – This is probably on the top of most people’s lists. My goal though isn’t losing weight, it’s to tone up and be healthier so I can have the energy to do more things when I get home. Isn’t it so ironic that even when you’re “too tired” to go to the gym it usually gives you more energy than if you didn’t? My goal is to go 2-3 times per week.

#2 Cook more meals – As a young newlywed couple it’s hard for us to get motivated to cook a meal for two when we’re both tired from work and just want to relax.  Then what happens is we get take-out or order pizza, which is anything but healthy. My goal is to find a good cookbook that has easy, quick recipes and cook a homemade meal at least 3 times a week.

#3 Have more sex – I don’t think I’m alone when I say that my excuse for not having sex is usually because I need to get some sleep so I can get up in the morning (I’m not a morning person). A lame excuse I know! On a good week, we might have sex once or twice, and we don’t even have kids! Seriously though how long does it take – probably only 20 minutes max (I’m being generous)? Having good, loving sex is probably one of the best things we can do for our relationship, too. If our (his) needs aren’t met physically how can I expect our (my) needs to be met emotionally?

#4 Be on time – As I mentioned earlier, I am not a morning person and when I don’t give myself enough time in the mornings something suffers – being late to the vanpool (and making them wait), half-done hair and makeup, or no sack lunch. While I’m usually on time for meetings at work (thanks Outlook alerts) I find myself often getting to doctor’s appointments, church, and everything else last-minute too! If I could be on time at least 75% of the time I would be a happier person.

#5 Take the GMAT test – I’m a big proponent of giving myself as many options as possible. My job doesn’t require an MBA, and it’s possible that it might not make good financial sense, but I have to take the GMAT while it’s all still somewhat fresh in my head (about 2 ½ years ago). I also found out that my scores are good for up to five years if I want to wait to go to school. My decision on where and when to go will likely depend on how well I do on the test.  

If this works I think I will have quite a productive year. Wish me luck!