Getting ahead without giving in
Knowing where to cross the line on helping out others can make or break your career. My approach to taking care of my husband when he’s hurt or ill taught me a great lesson about what I should or shouldn’t do at work if I want to be successful.
When I came home from work one day I found my DH sitting on the couch with his hand lying limp above his head and a miserable look on his face. He was supposed to be at class already so I asked him what was wrong. The poor guy had a ‘man cut’ (if you haven’t seen it, view the “man cold” on YouTube). He had accidentally cut his thumb with a razor knife when opening a package and it was making him feel lightheaded so he was holding his hand above his head to stop the throbbing - for three hours. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t get much sympathy from me. My approach is self-service: you do what you need to do to get better and move on. I never got doted on by my parents unless I had a life-threatening injury. With four of us girls in the house my parents had no room for a bunch of whiners – we were taught to “toughen up” and chastened that we “should have known better.” It was a rare incident to be catered on and oftentimes made us miss out on doing what the others were doing, so we learned quickly that there was no benefit to being sick or injured very long.
Some guys may have been brought up with similar nurturing styles from their parents, but it’s common belief that men have less tolerance for pain. Therefore, a minor cut for my husband is suddenly much more severe than if I were to have a cut. At one point his self-pity reached an all-time high when he said that he didn’t feel it was “safe for him to drive,” which is why he had to miss his night classes. On the business side, women generally tend to put up with more “pain” than men and are more willing to help people out. I learned from my experience with my husband how important it is not to let others take advantage of you and to set a precedent from the beginning. If I had given in and done everything for my husband when he was perfectly capable, he would likely expect the same thing to happen the next time around. If you’ve ever had to train a new person to do your former job, you know how easy it is to just “do it for them” rather than teach them how and why you did it. For some coworkers the old adage applies where if you give an inch they take a mile – if you step outside your responsibilities to do their work once they will expect it again. Before you know it, you will be extremely frustrated and they will be getting the credit for all of your work.
So next time someone at work asks you to do something for them, make sure you think twice about how you will respond. If you decide to help them out, make sure they know it is a favor and that you normally wouldn’t be responsible for that. Although you may feel “bad” at first, it will be for your benefit in the end.
thanks for your efore
how do you express it that it’s a favour you’re doing them?
To be honest, i feel as if i’m expected to do the burden of the work in the expense of my own projects, because i’m the youngest (and new hire) in the office.
and if i don’t do it, it seems to be a guilt trip to the moon and made me feel as if i wasn’t doing my job.
When you give an inch, they sure as hell will take a mile, but how do you express it professionally without stepping on people toes and without being labeled as young, immature and UNHELPFUL?
help =P
anonymous — You asked how to tell someone professionally that you don’t want to do their grunt work, and I would just say to tell them it’s not part of your job to do that. One way I have done that is to not agree that you will do it FOR them but that you will do it WITH them, so you can show them how to do it. If they keep asking you to do it even after you’ve showed them how to do it, say “I *might* be able to help you if I have time…” Showing them that you are too busy to do those kinds of tasks usually will let them know in a professional way.
That said, in this economic climate if you are trying to avoid a layoff I would just say to grin and bear it temporarily. When you know your job is secure than start to take things off your plate. Tell your boss you need more time to work on bigger tasks so they can support you when you tell other people “no.”
Hope that helps. Good luck! — Melanie
You still write on here! Thanks